Mom guilt. Is this a thing? I mean we know it's a thing. But what is it?
I think this is something every single one of us experience at some point in our journey through Motherhood. Maybe many times. Maybe once. The feelings come and go. Like waves crashing on a beach. Sometimes predictable or maybe you get hit with a rouge wave coming completely at random. It is simply a feeling of self doubt.
Should I feed them this? Am I doing this right? Am I teaching them enough? Do we watch too much TV? What about my life? Am I giving them enough attention? Am I feeding them enough? What if we would have did this differently? Is this my fault? Am I doing enough? The questions go on...
GUESS WHAT?! It's normal. You'll think them, you'll feel it deep in your soul. Some days worse than others but there is a period when the waves are calm. In those moments remember you are a GREAT Mom. You are the best Mother for your child. Giving them everything they need and probably more. You know them best and you know how to love them the best.
But when you are at the peak of your emotions and feelings you might not feel like the best mom.
So here are some things I do to help me swim out from drowning in these waves of mom guilt:
1. Have someone you can talk to.
-Maybe you call your spouse, your mom, your best friend. Whoever can listen to you and let you express your feelings without judgement, call that person. Someone who can just hold the space for you to feel. Because what you may be feeling is totally 100% valid. Someone who can say "I hear you. That really sucks you're feeling this way. It is not easy but you are doing amazing. The way you can make your child laugh and love is so special. That is something they will remember as they grow. If it wasn't your knee she would have knocked her tooth out on the chair, or the table, or the ground." (Oh wait too specific?) Someone to remind you that everyone is winging it. Everyone has hard days and thats OKAY! Lay it all out Mom.
2. Get outside.
- Take a moment to get some fresh air, maybe some sun light. Connect with the ground, the plants, the birds. Give your self some space to just be and feel. If you need to cry , let it go. I promise you will feel better. Maybe you have to do it a couple times. It is okay that your child has made you a little "soft". That is beautiful. That is LOVE.
3. Spend some quality time with your children.
- At the end of the day your children want your attention, your love, and your presence. Put the phone down. Throw your expectations out the window for a few minutes get on the floor and spend some quality 1-1 time with your child. Like I said before this is what they will remember. These moments will be ingrained in them for the rest of their lives. I know you might hate play dough but let them ask you for a ball and squish it over and over again.
4. Spend some time for yourself.
- You can't pour from an empty cup. Right, we hear this so often but as mothers how often are putting ourselves first. Maybe for you that might be a run to Target or a spa day. Maybe its just a hot shower without any children peeking in. Communicate these needs to your partner or a friend and make it happen, for you. Try to get in some 1-1 time with yourself. Just because you have become a mother doesn't mean the person you were and now are doesn't matter. What is something you enjoy? What is your outlet? What will fill your cup back up? Do that.
Finally, give your self some grace. It sucks sometimes. Being a Mother is a lot especially when you are constantly worrying about everyone else. The kids, your partner, the pets....take a deep breath YOU GOT THIS. YOU ARE AMAZING.